Surrendering, Again, to God's Faithful Love

Fully Devoted:

Surrendering in seasons of sacrifice 

to God's Faithful Love.

Sometimes when life get's hard we need to surrender our heart's intentions again... to His Faithful Love. We can recognize God is fully devoted to us, that Jesus paid the bill with His precious blood, that we're temples of the Holy Spirit... but if we're not fully surrendered to letting Him heal the hurting places as we go through challenging seasons we can lose touch with His love. He wants to touch our hearts, not just our minds.

The past couple of months I've been reflecting on God's faithfulness to me through one of the most accelerated seasons of growth I've ever been thrust into.

In one year's time I become a first time wife and automatic bonus mom to six children (then 2nd thru 6th grade), after leaving everything familiar to move to western Kansas... and one week after our first anniversary I birthed our daughter! Talk about HUGE CHANGES. That's saying nothing of the dynamics of co-parenting with my husband's ex, processing our kids' response to me being pregnant, horomones, and navigating living in the country while my husband's job had him traveling 2-3x a month. Two years into marriage we added to these already monumental life-shifts by selling our home and moving 3 hours across our state, jumped into mediation with our kids' mom 2x, experienced a season of her breaking down mentally & trying to love our kids well in the process.... admist all the normal teen transitions our kids have grown through--learning to drive, school dynamics, grades, sports, band... hormones, all while having a toddler, too. And like everyone else in 2020, Jake and I were invited into countless upgrades in our marriage, family dynamics, friendships, entrepreneurial 'ventures, and our relationships with God. The last one has been the most transformational for my personal walk with Christ. 

Thankfulness was a hard kept friend. 

The first 3 years of marriage I really struggled with all the changes. Thanksfulness was a hard kept friend. It would soothe me every now and then through an engaging worship song, the smile of my baby girl, the kind words of a friend, prayer from my mom, or the warm hug of my husband... but I really was facing a dark lie in the midst of the immense changes in my life (especially losing the physical poximity to all my support systems-- biological and church family, too) as well as all that was comfortable-- which included my career. My teaching. I quickly became aware that my identity was wrapped up in what I did as a teacher, who I was known as a friend, prayer-warrior, and a leader in my church. An upgrade was desperately needed.

In the midst of all the changes, a dark lie crept in. 

God wasn't really good. He didn't really think that all I'd been doing was devoted enough, loyal enough, devot enough... to earn his approval. How far from the truth could I have been? There is nothing apart from the cross that can qualify me, but in my desperation to be approved, to find comfort in my new relationships in my second new city, I somehow adopted the belief that I had to earn God's love and approval in my new life as a Glover. And I knew I couldn't. No matter how hard I tried to please my bonus kids-- cook them food they really liked, connect with them in meaningful ways that would draw them to Jesus, please my husband by doing what he wanted to do on our rare dates, in our free time, and try to avoid fights with my new big family... nothing ever turned out like I thought. The worse part about it all is that I was really angry inside. I was mad at God for sending me to flat, yellow and brown Kansas. Mad that I had been "plucked" from a thriving and healthy church family that knew me and what my giftings were. I had started to believe that God had invited me into a new world of change that was directed to purge me because He thought I wasn't really as loyal as I had perceived myself to be. He did all this to test me and try me.

The problem was I couldn't get out of the "hole" of self-pity until I lifted my eyes to choose that my committment to take up my cross and follow Him was really choosing that my life wasn't my own. 

This act of surrender really included releasing my right to where I live geographically, who I am called to love, and also what I am called to sacrifice-- in my case it was my dream of living near my parents and my brother, and my extended family so my own kids could grow up knowing them. It included letting go of my desire to remain near my closest friends and church family, and have some sort of way to connect with my career path. 

Yes, I had said, "Take me." to God for years. "Use me. I'll go wherever you want me to go." I was committed. He took me to many nations for years before being married. I lived a lot of life before 2015-- trusting God, leaning into His heart, praying into what I felt Him calling me into by making this choice to sacrifice it all to follow Him to where I am now... but this moment caught me in a place of realizing I had a choice. Would I choose to rejoice in my sufferings? Or would I hold onto regret and grief wearing it like a badge of honor? 

I sat in limbo for about a year contemplating... tormenting myself. 

But God had mercy. He used my husband confronting my bad attitude about our Kansas weather and landscape to wake me up. I couldn't complain around him anymore. That caught my attention. Someone who loved me so much had put up, graciously, with my regular griping was now clearly voicing that it had to stop. My spirit was actually grieved. I was drawn to a place of repentence right then and there. 

I remember making a conscious decision that I was giving up to God what I said was already His: My Life.

He could use me however He best saw fit. I was going to follow Him. I was going to praise Him. I wanted to live my life to the fullest. To release control. To relinquish my desires to do what I wanted to do... that admit and confess that His call to bring His Kingdom to earth was so much more important than my love for hiking mountains and enjoying views of the ocean. My desire to travel was His desire, too... but I was relinquishing my call to the nations to serve the nations in my home.

I still face challenging thoughts on days when my kids are a handful or my heart is aching for the color green in the dead of a Kansan winter. But what teens aren't up and down? What bonus kids don't challenge a step-parent's love and devotion? Who loves the weather all the time wherever you live? I do know now that I've relinquished control and I hear God's voice more clearly; it's full of love for me. He is proud of me. He always has been. He sees me and knows my heart to bless, to bring His healing presence and speak life into my kids' lives and the others I'm called to. I am also able to receieve the love and affirmation of my husband and friends much easier now that I've let God back into that place in my heart that only He is trusted to hold-- my innermost being. Now I am again able to say of the Lord, "He is Good and His mercy endures forever!" 

God's heart is generous toward me & you! 

Romans 5:6-11 TPT says, "For when the time was right, the Anointed One came and died to demonstrate his love for sinners who were entirely helpless, weak, and powerfuless to save themselves. Now, who of us would dare to die for the sake of a wicken person? We can all understand if someone was willing to die for a truly noble person. But Christ proved God's passionate love for us by dying in our place while we were still lost and ungodly! And there is still much more to say of his unfailing love for us! For through the blood of Jesus we have heard the powerful declaration, 'You are now righteous in my sight.' And because of the sacrifice of Jesus, you will never experience the wrath of God. So if while we were still enemies, God fully reconciled us to himself through the death of his Son, then something greater than friendship is ours. Now that we are at peace with God, and because we share in his resurrection life, how much more we will be rescued from sin's dominion! And even more than that, we overflow with triumphant joy in our new relationship of living in harmony with God--all because of Jesus Christ!"

With tears in my eyes and a that's been through a few fires I tell you: whatever you're going through in your own journey of surrendering to Jesus' heart for you and your call to bring His Kingdom on this earth, He is good. His grace abounds to you, for you, and in you. Take a deep breath and just let the truth of His word fill you and nourish you. He's not leaving and He's not giving up on you. He's wildly crazy about you and the journey you're on. Open your heart to His immense grace for you in your own season. Keep holding tightly to God's hand. He's faithful to finish all He's begun in you (Philippians 1:6). 

Sing with me: Living Hope

[Chorus] Hallelujah, praise the One who set me free Hallelujah, death has lost its grip on me You have broken every chain There's salvation in Your name Jesus Christ, my living hope Hallelujah, praise the One who set me free Hallelujah, death has lost its grip on me You have broken every chain There's salvation in Your name Jesus Christ, my living hope

To connect more with Jesica Glover and the work she does with educators, find her @speakingwordsoflife4educators, The Gathering Place for Christian Educators on FB, or email her for speaking or training Kingdom Educators in your area: jesica@inspirationsproductions.com

Her Books: Speaking Words of Life in Your Classroom and Kingdom Educator 30 Day Prayer Journal can be purchased on Amazon.